Lost But Not So Much Alone
by MortalKd1997
Summary: With an abusive dad, a mother who doesn't really pay much attention and no friends, Clary's life is far from perfect, but when her dad finally leaves, will Clary's life change? What happens when someone finally takes interest in her? Or will she just remain damaged..
1. Prologue

**Okay so I haven't really written anything for 4 years but I'm finally getting back into it and this was just an idea I had, I have no idea if anyone will like it so that's why this chapter is so small. If you like it at all please, oh please review this for me! I'm just a little nervous to start writing again after so long and any constructive criticism is good! So feel free to say anything! Also thankyou for actually taking your time to read this! haha :-) xxx**

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Clary is a 16 year old girl with fiery red hair and dark green eyes. She lives with her mother Jocelyn and step father Luke. After Clary's father left, her life finally felt safe again but with all the scars to remind of what she used to go through on a daily basis she was still a little scared and insecure. Clary went through many years of torture.

It all began when her mother finally left Her Father Valentine for Luke but couldn't get full custody of Clary who was 10 at the time. Her father took it out on her, every day until her 16th birthday when she woke up and he was gone, at first Clary just thought he was out getting drunk with his mates or doing whatever he did in his spare time but after days with no trace of him, she phoned her mother and that was that, it was finally over.

She was one of the biggest freaks in her school. She used to be 'normal' and she was beautiful, the red hair just suited her and boys used to drool, but as soon as her parents split, when her dad changed for the worse, when she started to get scars and become a lost soul, she became a 'freak'. She lost all her friends even her best friend, Simon, who just stopped trying after his many failed attempts.

Clary had no one.

Sure every once and a while Clary slept at her mothers, but Jocelyn was so wrapped up with her handsome and very generous new man that her mother had kind of forgotten about Clary and never got around to the full custody mess, plus her father hardly even let Clary out of the house. Jocelyn never really saw how upset Clary was and when she did she just thought it was all the changes that came with being a teenager. Clary could never have told her mother about Valentine's abusive ways she was just too frightened of what might happen to her mother and of course herself.

All Clary had were her thoughts and her art. She longed for it to be over, and finally it was.

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**Okay so there it is, pleasssse pleaaaaasssse review and tell me what you think! Much love Kd xxx**


	2. Chapter 1: Change Isn't Always Good

**Okay so the reviews and the followers really made me want to continue this story! I'm still a little nervous about it but hey, you don't know if you don't try right? Haha anyway thankyou to all the people who took the time to read it and left a review it really helped me! **** So again please tell me what you think about it! I appreciate everyone's ideas! And yeah I hope you like it! **

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**Chapter 1: Change isn't always good**

2 weeks after her father had left Clary was starting to settle in at her mothers. Clary was used to spending weekends there on the rare occasion when her father let her out of the house, but that was it. She finally had her family back.

Clary was still very quiet and her mother still had no idea how damaged Clary really was, Jocelyn just brushed it off as her dad leaving and that she was upset. She didn't bother with asking Clary questions, she just thought Clary wanted to be alone and that it was the way of coping after her loving father had left her.

But of course he wasn't loving, she wasn't grieving and she didn't want to be left alone, not anymore.

Clary was full of emotions and pain that had bottled up inside of her for the past 6 years. She was glad her father was gone but she just wanted someone to notice, someone to notice how hurt and destroyed she really was.

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It was Saturday evening and Clary had only been living with her mum a few days or so. She had been in her room all day drawing and painting with the new paints Luke had bought her for a welcoming home present, it was the only thing that kept her sane. She was so emotionally drained from the past 6 years and to finally have something good happen in her life, she finally had something good to draw about. She was in the bathroom getting ready for a shower to wash off all the paint stains on her pale hands. Taking her shirt off Clary looked in the mirror to see what physical damage she had left from Valentine, she couldn't wait for the memories to disappear, but it wasn't that easy.

There were still a few leftover bruises on her stomach from when Valentine had kicked her repeatedly; she had one around both sides of her neck from where he had strangled her, because she hadn't had dinner cooked on time. The bruise kind of looked like a big thick necklace.  
She did her best to hide all the damage, covering her face with countless amounts of different types of makeup but of course her scars still remained underneath all the cover up.

When her father threatened her with a knife, she was the victim to cuts all around her arms, legs and around the stomach. There was also many times when the abuse got too much for Clary, when things got so bad that to take the pain away she had to cause pain. All it took was one blade across the inside of her wrist.

She hated herself a little bit more each day and of course there were those days when the thought of ending her own life didn't sound so bad.

She traced the scars with her fingers, wondering what she did to deserve any of it. Clary was so caught up in the damage that she forgot to lock the bathroom door and only realised when the door burst open.

Luke.

Clary let out a loud yelp whilst trying to grab the nearest towel to cover her body, hoping that Luke didn't see the bruises.

"Oh shit, sorry Clary!" he yelled as he shut the door, "Just not really used to having other people here."

"All good!" she shot back quickly, wishing he would go away and forgot anything he saw very quickly.

But it was too late.

"Um Clary," Luke said trying to find the words.  
"Yes?" Clary knew exactly what he was about to say.  
"I don't mean to sound rude but I was just wondering what those dark marks were around your neck..?"  
"Uhh.. nothing, just me being clumsy, I fell over the other day at school." She wasn't a very good liar.  
"Oh, are you sure you're okay?" he asked, not knowing what to think.  
"Yeah I'm fine, doesn't hurt." She said whilst in pain.  
"Okay then, sorry for walking in." he apologised as he walked away, a little bit unsure of what he just saw.

Clary had a shower and went straight to her room hoping that Luke wouldn't tell her mother what he had just witnessed, but when did Clary ever get what she wanted?

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They had just finished dinner and Clary went straight to her room, avoiding conversation. Jocelyn had cooked up a yummy looking Chicken Teriyaki stir-fry. She was placing the dirty dishes in the dishwasher whilst Luke sat at the dining table reading some new book that his book store just stocked.  
"Honey," Luke says to Jocelyn looking up from his book.  
"Yes dear?" she replied still continuing on with the dishes.  
"Well, uh, today... I uh..." he could find his words and by this time he was looking directly at Jocelyn.

Jocelyn could tell something was wrong.

"What's wrong dear?" she asked with a worried look on her face.  
"This afternoon I needed to go to the toilet and um I forgot about Clary and um I burst in on her and It looked like she had a really big bruise on her neck, it didn't look like an accident and that someone had tried to hurt her and I asked her about it and she just said she fell over but I'm worried about her Joce, I know she was quiet before but now I think there was a reason behind it. I think Valentine might have hurt her. I know it sounds like I'm over reacting but when you think about it, it kind of makes sense." The words just kept coming out of his mouth. Every time he saw those marks in his head he believed they weren't there by accident. He was worried.  
Jocelyn was shell-shocked. She didn't know what to think. Yes Valentine had been a jerk and very strict but she couldn't believe he would actually physically hurt her daughter.

But everything became clearer, the way Clary changed when Jocelyn left, the way she never saw her daughter anymore, Clary's artwork, the way Valentine never let her leave the house. Jocelyn felt disgusted. She was horrified.

How did she not notice her daughter's pain? She let her Clary live with that man for 6 years not knowing what happened inside that house. How on earth did he get away with it and why did Clary not say anything to her?

Jocelyn was now sitting next to Luke. Both of them finally realising the pain Clary has gone through. They had no words, their minds racing with thoughts.

Everything began to make sense…

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**REVIEW!**

**Also I think I might change the writing style to maybe just with Clary and then a few POV's from the other characters perspective tell me what you think! And yes there will be Clace! **** Oh and the chapters should get longer! Kdxxx**


	3. Chapter 2: I Did It All For You

**Okay so here's chapter 2! I'm on holidays so I have a lot of time to write which is good! Haha thankyou all for reading and reviewing. I hope its good! Again if you have any tips for my writing feel free to tell me! I love hearing what people think of my writing! :-) **

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Chapter 2: I Did It All For You

Finally.

It's over, I'm saf- what are you even thinking clary? What just because you won't get those beatings anymore you're 'safe'? What does safe even mean?

_Safe; to be protected from or not exposed to danger or risk; not likely to be harmed or __**lost**__._

Well there you go, I'm nowhere near safe. Sure my maniac father isn't here anymore and I don't have any recent bruises, but I'm sure as hell lost.

I'm so confused. I just have no idea what to think or feel.

I'm broken.

After so many years of torture, of holding a strong front, behind those piercing green eyes I was dying, slowly withering away, parts of me disappearing after every punch.

How I survived 6 years is beyond me.

Everyone thinks I'm this quiet girl who can draw; none of them have any idea who I really am.

Well none of them used to but after today I'm not so sure.

When I went to have a shower this evening I was looking at the mess I call my body, the scars, the bruises, the memories, when Luke, my step father, decided to walk in on me. It all happened so quickly, I screamed and grabbed the nearest towel to cover up my bruises – yes my bruises, I wasn't naked, just so everyone knows – he shut the door as quickly as he came in, so I have no idea what he saw and hope to Raziel that he didn't see anything and if he did he would have just thought it was nothing, but no I'm Clary Morgenstern remember, nothing ever goes my way.

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It was close to midnight and I was in my bed curled up in a ball, I was wondering for the 100 millionth time what would happen if my mother found out about my abusive past, would it make things better? My father was gone so he couldn't harm me anymore if I told her and of course he couldn't harm her, but would they judge me? Would they treat me differently?

Of course they would. I'd be the damaged girl that needs help.

No.

I didn't want their pity and I certainly did not want more pain.

What chance did I have of being nor- really clary, again?

Why do you make it so hard for yourself? You're a freak. There is no way in hell you'll ever be normal again. Hold back the tears, there not worth it. You're not worth it.

That did it, the salty tears pour from my eyes.

I'm my own worst enemy.

I think stupid things and then **BAM! **I've thought way too much and then I'm in pain and I have no one to blame because I did it to myself.

I slip from my bed and take the blade I kept from my old home out of my bag and I fall to the floor staring at my worthless reflection in the mirror across from me. I slowly take the blade to my right wrist and let the blood rush out of the open wound. The tears haven't stopped and I find myself falling asleep with tears still streaming down my face.

I think, I think I need someone.

Someone to hold me and tell me I'll be okay.

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I woke up on the floor, last night a bit of a blur. I noticed the dry blood on my arm and the sticky tried up tears that stained my face. I headed straight for the shower which was conveniently across from my room so I didn't have to worry about running into Luke or my mother.

This time I remembered to lock the door.

After my shower I put on a blue knit sweater with black skinny jeans followed by my old black converse. I covered my face in makeup and my I did my best to hide the bruise around my neck. Seriously the amounts of concealer I go through is ridiculous, but it's necessary, can't have people seeing my scars now can we?

Its 8 am and I'm starving so I begin to wonder down to the kitchen not knowing what was in store.

I slowly make my way down the hall way to the kitchen. When I enter the room its empty, relieved I head to the fridge to find some leftover pancakes from yesterday, I heat them up in the microwave and grab some syrup and sit down at the kitchen counter.

Just when I thought I was going to have a good day, Jocelyn and Luke walked in staring at me, they both looked like they had aged over 10 years since I last saw them, my mother looked at me with watery eyes and I knew that Luke had told her what he saw. I had no idea how much my mother knew but after so much effort I put in trying to hide my injuries and pain for 6 long years just for it to be completely thrown out the window in a matter of seconds, I just hope that the one person that I tried so desperately to keep safe will understand and not abandon me again..

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My mother and Luke sat next to each other at the at the kitchen table, I sat opposite them. Tears were beginning to fill my mother's eyes, Luke just stared at me, I couldn't look at either of them knowing that if I did I'd break down in tears, so I just stared out the open window.

How come when bad things happen the weather is always miserable? The clouds almost black and the rain was pouring, the big oak tree stood there in the middle of my mother's garden swayed in the wind and its leaves flying. I itched for a paint brush.

It was Luke who broke the silence.

Simple words which made me cringe.

"Clary," he said in a voice barely louder than a whisper. "When I accidentally barged in on you in the bathroom yesterday, that bruise I asked you about, that wasn't an accident, was it?"  
I looked him in the eyes and straight away I wish I hadn't, the tears were just at the edge of my eye and I just didn't care anymore, I knew I had to tell them and before I could catch myself the words just slipped out of mouth and they just kept going.

I sighed "No, it wasn't an accident, he did it. He hurt me every day since the day that you left," I looked at my mother when I said that, tears were streaming down her face. "I-I mean he d-did it because I deserved it. H-he said it was my fault."

"Clary, I-I am s-so s-sorry, I never k-knew, I c-cant b-believe I left y-you with t-that ma-" she tried to apologise but I felt a burst of anger rush through my whole body as I realised my mother left me with this evil man and didn't do anything about it. I don't care if she never knew about the pain, she was mother! Why did she not take me with her? How dare she think it's okay to apologise now? 6 years, it took her 6 years to understand my pain.

6 years to long.

I stood up. "No, NO! You don't understand anything, so why the hell are you apologising?! I went through torture every day since you left me. Left me alone with a psychopath while you go and create a new life for yourself, why didn't you ever come back? Did it not occur to you that a 10-year-old girl might want her mother? No don't you dare think you know anything! You don't! I had to wake up every day thinking it might be my last. The amount of times I thought of ending my life because of the pain. A 13-year-old thinking about stabbing a knife right through her own heart. I needed my mother and you weren't there," I didn't know what I was saying it all just burst out and I couldn't shut my mouth. My mother sat there with her eyes on mine tears everywhere trying to process everything she was hearing, Luke sat with an expressionless face, not knowing what to do or say. My eyes were full of water and I just needed to get out of here. "And you know what the worst part is? I went through it all for you. He threatened to kill you if I ever said anything. "

"C-clary," Luke begin to speak.  
"I did it all for you." I looked hard into her eyes when I said that, I wanted her to feel my pain.

I ran out of the kitchen straight to the front door. I slammed it shut and began running, I had no idea where I was going and it was pouring rain. I ran for about a mile until I couldn't run anymore. I realised I was in a park next to a soccer field. I collapsed on the ground behind a tree bawling my eyes out, not knowing what had just happened.

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**REVIEW!**

**Keep following for claceee! next chapter! :-)**

**Kd xxx**


	4. Chapter 3: Someone To Talk To

**Yay new chapter! This was one of my favourite chapters to write and probably the longest as well! Please review! I love it when I get positive feedback! If you think I could do anything better please say so! Thank you for reading :-) Oh and by the way I changed the writing style to Clary because I just think it made more sense to get into her mind, but there will be point of views from the other characters :-)**

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**Chapter 3: Someone to talk to**

The rain was now only sprinkling but the dark clouds were still there. When I finally stopped bawling I looked around to take in my surroundings. There was a soccer field to the right of me and a park to the left which contained a playground and what looked like an undercover barbeque area, a place I went with my parents and had picnics when I was a kid. Wow, those were the days, back when I was innocent.

I went back to my tears.

It felt like minutes but I have no idea, I didn't have my phone on me, I was too busy running for the door to even think about grabbing it. I don't really care though, Luke or my mother would probably be trying to call, I doubt it though. But I was fine being by myself, and I was until something hit the tree beside me.

It was a soccer ball, some kid had kicked it I guessed, I pretended not to notice it and put my head back on my knees. Just as my eyes began to water again I heard footsteps, I didn't look up, I just hoped they didn't notice me.

But again, when did I ever get my way?

I heard the person collect the ball and the sound of it being kicked back to the field. I was waiting for the steps to walk back to where they came from, but they just kept coming closer, their feet crunching the dead leaves around the bottom of the tree I was leaning against. I was soaking wet and my makeup was probably all gone and I really didn't want anyone to see me like this.

"Hey, um are you okay?" It was a boy's voice.

Those words, 'are you okay' that was the first time for a very long time that I have heard them.

Shut up Clary, you don't even know the guy.

Exactly, right? Someone cared and they didn't even know me.

"Uh, I'm great." I said looking up for the first time, wiping away any signs of tears. When I saw him, he was seriously golden. His golden hair, his golden skin and I didn't even know it was possible but he even had golden eyes. Uh he was muscular and strong, definitely an athlete. He looked about 17. He seemed like a popular kid, the exact opposite to me.

He raised his eyebrow and said with a smirk "You don't look so great."

"Thanks." I said sarcastically.

"uh, sorry, I didn't mean it like that, your soaking wet and it looked like you were crying, I just wouldn't really consider that great," he stated. He was stunning. Really he was and I felt disgusting compared to him. "If you don't mind me asking, why are you sitting here in the rain?"

"Uh seriously, no offense, but I don't even know you."

Go away dude, you don't want to get caught up in this girls business, seriously, it's not good.

"The names Jace," he sat down beside me. "Now correct me if I'm wrong but you seem like the kind of girl who has a lot of things on her mind, and by the looks of it you need someone to talk to and I don't see anyone else around." He smirked at me, that smirk, wow.

I gave him a quick smile but it quickly went away as I said, "Thanks, but seriously you don't wanna know."

"Try me."

"Uh, well, um.., okay," I couldn't find my words. I looked up from the ground to his eyes, his golden eyes, I couldn't resist myself and before I knew what I was doing my mouth was moving and I couldn't shut up.

"Well, long story short, my parents split when I was 10, my mother left me with my jerk of a dad for 6 years and the other day my father left and now I'm living with my mother and step-father and they just found out what I went through during those years which wasn't very pretty." I said with a sigh, my eyes watering.

"Oh, sounds heavy." He gave me a face that said I'm sorry and his eyes, boy his eyes, they looked into mine and I knew I could trust him. "I kind of know how you feel, not as intense but ever since I could remember I've been in and out of foster homes and then about one month ago some random family came in and adopted me and now I'm here." He sighed. "I never knew my parents."

_Lucky _I thought.

"Huh?" he asked obviously not knowing what I'd said.

"uh, nothing." I said, not knowing I said it out loud. "You know, it's weird, after all these years of talking to nobody, here I am talking to a complete stranger about my messed up personal life." I looked up from the ground and into his eyes "my names Clary by the way."

"Well Clary, were not strangers anymore are we?" he said grinning at me.

"I guess not." Smiling back at him.

we sat there for a while just talking about things, he was 17 and after the summer break was over was supposed to be going to Alicante High, I was enrolled but I hadn't been to school for a while. I didn't tell him about the abuse, I couldn't, but I did tell him about my mother leaving me and forgetting me, I told him as much as I could without mentioning the torture. he didn't question any of it he just sat there and listened.

it felt so good to get some thing of my chest. I had bottled it up for so long and all I needed was someone to understand. someone to listen.

"Jace! Where the hell are you!?" some boy yelled out from down at the soccer fields. "Shit! I forgot about him," he sighed, "Well, I guess I have to go." He smiled at me.

"Thank you for this, I really needed it." I said gratefully

He began pulling something out of his pocket while standing up and speaking, "No problem, but here put your number in and ill text you, so you have my number and if you ever need to talk again we can." He smiled at me and I took his phone and typed in my number. I handed him back his phone as I stood up. He looked at me, smirking as he started walking backwoods and said his goodbye, "Guess I'll see you later, red!" Then he was running back to the fields before Clary could say anything.

"Bye," she whispered.

Clary turned around and began her long trek home. For once she wasn't thinking about her problems, the only thing that was on her mind was the golden boy.

Someone finally cared.

But that couldn't last for long, could it?

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_Clary was walking home from school, like she did any other day. She was about a house away when she heard the yelling and screaming. She picked up her pace and before she knew it she was jogging to her front door but before she could reach it her mother was already walking to the taxi that waited out the front. Clary had no Idea what was going on. Jocelyn spotted her she gave her bags to the cab driver and walked over to Clary, tears streaming down her face she kneeled down to be level with a tiny 10-year-old Clary. "Honey, I'm going away for a few days," a loud bang came from inside, she began to rush, "Clary, I love you don't ever forget that." She hugged her only daughter and kissed her on the forehead, "I'll come back for you," she climbed into the car and it pulled away. Clary watched the car disappear. The tears would not stop. Her father came out from the house yelling. He grabbed Clary by the hair and dragged her into the house. "This is all your fault, Clarissa! She left because of you!" he yelled at her. he lifted her head and slammed her into the wall. Clary screamed but it was no use. There was a punch to her face then total darkness. _

_I'll come back for you._

I woke up screaming, salty tears streaming down my face, replaying the nightmare in my head, the beating and those words.

_I'll come back for you._

Lie.

I was in the same clothes I wore yesterday, I hadn't bothered to change. When I finished my long walk home I went straight to my room without any food, not feeling hungry, I had no idea where Luke and mom were and I didn't care, I climbed straight into bed and cried myself to sleep. It was strange the amount of tears I had, never had I cried like that, sure I cried myself to sleep and broke down a few times but this was different. It was like it just wouldn't stop, like I couldn't control myself.

Shit.

The golden boy.

Jace, I had totally forgotten about him.

How was it that someone who had no idea who I was could be so extremely nice to me? I would have looked like a complete freak bawling my eyes out in the park and yet he went out of his way to make me feel better.

I forgot how nice people could be.

I forgot how nice people could be to me.

For the first time since my mother left me, I felt okay, I thought that was impossible. After what I've been through I never thought I would feel 'okay' again.

I thought I would be broken for the rest of my miserable life.

Maybe I was wrong...

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**~JACE~**

What the hell just happened?

I was playing soccer with my adoptive brother Alec and then the next thing I know I'm sitting next to this stunning girl with fiery red hair talking about things I never tell anyone. I know I had a lot of stuff on my chest but I couldn't even speak to my closest friends about this stuff and here I am blabbering on to a complete stranger.

Her eyes, those pure green eyes that just glowed, they gave me the feeling that I could trust her.

So I did.

When I first saw her I thought that she was some crazy drunk passed out in the park but when I got closer I heard her bawling and I couldn't walk away. It was like I had to ask her if she was okay and if I didn't I got a feeling something bad would happen.

She didn't tell me the full story but from the summary I got it sounded pretty bad. Sure I had a bad life in and out of foster homes but from the way she looked and sounded it seemed like shed been through a whole lot more.

I felt a lot better that night. As if a tonne of weight had been lifted off my shoulders. She just listened and that's what I needed. Someone to hear how I was and not interrupt, not have to have a say, just listen and definitely not feel sorry for me.

I hated pity.

When my brother and I finally got home there was only one thing on my mind.

I had to know more about this girl.

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**CLACE! I know right! It needed to happen! Haha thank you for reading and I hope you liked it! Please REVIEWW!**


	5. Chapter 4: Those Who Mean The Most

**Chapter 4: Those Who Mean The Most**

**Okay so this was going to be longer but it felt like to much so I halved it and I will be uploading the rest of it either tomorrow or Sunday, depending on how much I write tonight. **

**Thank you so much for all the nice reviews and PM's! means a lot! And to those who are actually following and reading :-) enjoy! xx**

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It's been 4 weeks since that day in the park, the day when my mother found out about the abuse I had suffered because of her. She hasn't spoken a word to me. She's still totally shocked. I regret saying most of those things to her but it was true and she needed to know.

Luke's been there for both of us though, trying to help.

For the first two weeks he was trying to get me to talk to him but I didn't want to tell him, I felt scared, like somehow my father would find out and come back and hurt him. He knew that I had to talk to someone and decided to get me a therapist which I now I have to see twice a week.

My first appointment was yesterday, my therapist's name is Doreatha, she's old and I think she has an African back ground though I'm not really sure but she's heaps nice, she tried to get me to talk about it but I couldn't, not yet. She doesn't give up though which is kind of annoying.

The only person I can talk to is Jace.

When I feel like I'm going to have another breakdown I call Jace and he meets me at the park and we talk for hours about everything. I still haven't told him about the abuse but it's like I don't need to and he still understands.

I don't know why though, he just does.

He makes me feel good and whenever he's around I feel like nothing can hurt me, not my father not anything.

Jace had been through 10 different foster homes before finally being adopted by the Lightwoods, a wealthy family. They live about 2 blocks from the park in a big fancy house. I know of his adoptive sister Isabelle, one of the most popular girls in the school. She's absolutely stunning with gorgeous jet black hair and pretty dark brown eyes. Alec, Jace's adoptive brother was also pretty popular; he was the captain of the soccer team and looked exactly like Isabelle but with bright blue eyes instead. I had never spoken to them, but I made sure I stayed out of their way in case one of their popular buddies' wanted to pay out the freak. Even though I rarely went to school, being me I didn't need any more torture so I made sure I didn't get on their bad side. Maryse and Robert, Jace's adoptive parents, were away most of the time on business trips but Jace thought they were the nicest people, he felt happy living with them and was the first he had felt happy in ages.

He plays a lot of soccer and he seems pretty good, I told him about my love for art and how it's the only thing that kept me sane through my hardest times.

Every time I go to tell Jace about the abuse I seem to choke up, I don't want him to think of me as a weakling, I don't want him to judge me or feel uncomfortable around me. I just hoped when he did find out he treated me the same.

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Today I felt different.

I felt better.

It was 8 am and I was starving, I hadn't wanted food in a while. So I decided to go down to the kitchen and get some breakfast. I found Luke cooking bacon and eggs, which smelt delicious. When he noticed me, he looked a little surprised but happy at the same time.

"Hey Clare, you hungry?" he asked and directed his eyes to the food that was sizzling away, "yes please! I'm starving." With that he put the cooked food on 2 plates and we sat down at the table to eat.

"So, how are you Clare?" he asked while looking up from his meal. "Uh, um …Better." It felt good to finally tell what I really felt. "That's great Clary, it really is," somehow I knew something was about to go down. " I just want you to know, that I really am here for you, I know it might not seem like people care but we do and you can tell us anything, and by 'us' I do mean your mother and I." he sighed, knowing that my mother had not been there for me at all.

She hasn't talked to me once.

I looked down at my plate, playing with the last bit of egg. "I'm sorry Clare, I didn't mea-"I cut in, "It's just so hard Luke! You have no idea! I have wanted to tell you what happened to me for ages but I knew everything would change!," I was dreading this conversation.

"I don't want your pity! All I want is my mother back!" I felt my voice break with the last few words and I felt the tears at the back of my eyes ready to bawl.

At that moment I noticed my mother in the kitchen doorway, she looked about 80 and her eyes weren't the beautiful green they used to be. We stood there for a few minutes, silent just staring at each other.

It was my mother who spoke first.

"Honey," she cleared her throat and continued, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for everything. I had no idea t-that this w-would h-happen. I thought you were safe, you have to believe me," tears began streaming down both our faces. "mum-" I wanted to apologise, it broke my heart seeing my mother like this and I now thought of how it would feel like to have your daughter hurt by a man who you once loved and to be told it was your fault.

I realised the pain I caused her.

"No I need for you to hear this," I nodded, "I never thought that this would happen. I never realised how much pain you were in and I should have, you're my daughter Clare, you're my little girl and I left you all by yourself. I should have known something was different about you and I just-" I cut her off with a hug. I couldn't hear any more. I couldn't see her like this, all I wanted to do was hug her and tell her it's alright, tell her that I'm alright.

We held on to each other for a long time with silent tears.

I had forgotten about Luke and after a while felt his strong arms around the both of us, holding onto us as tight as he could.

In that moment I realised that Luke was my family, not just my step-father any more but my only father, blood doesn't mean anything.

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**Did you like it? I wasn't too sure about this chapter so yeah tell me what you think! I've kind of mapped out the whole story so I'm pretty excited! Xx**

**REVIEW!**


	6. Chapter 5: I'm Not Holding Back

**I'm so sorry to keep you guys waiting! I've just been pretty busy! But here's chapter 5, tell me what you think! **

**Chapter 5: I'm Not Holding Back**

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_I'm in my old room, my old house, the one I shared with my father. The only light coming from an open window in the middle of the wall, the curtains are slightly open and you can see the brightness of the full moon shining from outside, I'm on the ground huddled against the wall, I see a human figure coming towards me, with each step they become bigger, I know in an instant it's my father. With tears streaming down my face I cry out for my mother. _

"_It's your fault she's gone! It's your fault!" he screamed at me._

_I felt him grip my hair with so much force I was surprised my red curls were still attached to my head. He dragged me away from the wall and slammed me onto the ground. He yelled at me once more, "You worthless bitch! You ruined everything! You made your own mother hate you!" and with that I saw his giant boot swing to my stomach, I cried out in pain dreading the next blow, it took seconds for pain to rip through the left side of my head, I screamed, my skull felt like it was stabbing into my brain. My eyes began to go cloudy and the last thing I remember was his face inches in front of mine, his breath hot on my face and his rough voice, "Worthless..." _

I wake up gasping for air. Tears begin streaming down my face as the last word haunts my mind.

_Worthless,_

Was I really worthless? Why didn't my father love me? Why did he think it was my fault my mother left? These were only a few of the questions that ran through my mind, I had searched for the answers but I had got none.

I turn my head from the ceiling to my bedside table to look at my alarm clock, _11:17_, _ugh, why Clary! Can't you just sleep through one night? Seriously! _I mentally punch myself in the face before sitting up. I check my phone and instantly smile, 1 new message, from Jace.

**Hey Clare, I know it's late but I can't sleep at all, what are you doing? -J**

**I can't sleep either, want to come over?-C**

**If you don't mind?-J**

**I don't mind at all, just be quiet when you get here, mum and Luke are asleep. –C**

**Okay, I'll be there soon :) -J**

He had been to my house before and met mom and Luke. We watched a few movies and just talked about everything like we always do. Every moment I'm with Jace I feel extremely comfortable and safe. He is my best friend and I don't think I could ever get through my problems if I didn't have him.

_Buzzzzz_

Pulling me out of my thoughts, I picked up my phone. "Hellooo," answering the phone like I always do, "Hey red, I'm out the front." Red, his nickname for me I absolutely hated it. "Okay." I hung up and tiptoed to the front door. Unlocking the door quietly I saw a flash of gold standing outside shivering.

"Bit cold?" I whispered, smirking at him.

"Freezing!" he whispered back "Now let me in!"

"Come on then," I opened the door wide enough for him to walk through and shut it once he was inside, I started walking to my room knowing that he would follow.

When we got to my room he sat down on my study chair, letting out a sigh as he sat down. "What's up?" I asked as I sat on the edge of my bed. "You're gonna laugh at Me." he rubbed a hand through his golden locks, "I pinkie promise I won't," I held out my pinkie to him and he just smirked at me, "Really fray? I thought you were 16!" he grins at me and I giggle, "Come on Jace, I thought we could tell each other everything." I pull out my puppy dog eyes knowing ill win him over, "Oh please not the eyes!" he begs but I don't look away, "Fine," he sighs in defeat, "Okay, well, I'm kind of a bit nervous for school to start.." I stare at him in disbelief before I start cracking up, my laughter breaking up my words, "You…Jace….Lightwood … scared... about school!" I couldn't breathe, "I knew you'd laugh at me!" he threw a scrunched up piece of paper at me, "I'm sorry," I stopped laughing, "It's just your Jace, I don't see why you would be nervous?!" the conversation was serious now, "That's just it, everyone thinks I'm this confident person but sometimes I'm not," he looks up from the ground and meets my eyes, "You Know it's the first time I've been to a school with a real family, I don't have to go to sleep every night wondering if it's my last day because I'm finally in a stable home, I guess I'm just being stupid but I can't help but feel nervous, Its just everything I've wanted has finally come true and I'm scared I'm going to lose it all." He sighs and looks back to the ground, "I kind of know what you mean, I went to sleep every night not knowing if my mother was going to come home or what my father might do to-"I cut myself off realising what I was just about to say, I look to the ground feeling the water behind my eyes

_Don't cry Clary, don't cry _

"Not knowing what your father might do what to who?" Jace asks with a concerned voice, "Uh, um, n-nothing," trying to keep the tears back, I was about to break down again I could feel it. "Clary, you're a terrible liar, tell me please?" the tears came streaming down my face and I sunk to the floor.

I felt strong arms around me as Jace pulled me close to his chest, "Clary what's wrong?" he just holds me until I speak, "I haven't told you everything about my past," I stop crying but I don't let him go and he tightens his grip, "I-I, my father, h-he-" I couldn't find my words, "it's okay, you don't have to tell me" he rests his chin on my head and gently rubs circles on my back trying to calm me, I shake my head, "n-no, I need to,"

I lift my head and look at him, "He used to hurt me Jace, he said it was my fault my mother left him and he hit me, he kicked me, he did anything he could to hurt me. He made sure I suffered. He put me through 6 years of torture." Jace looked at me shocked, his mouth hanging open, the words just kept flowing out of my mouth; I needed to tell him everything. "Sometimes he would make me go days without food because I didn't cook his dinner right or I didn't clean the house good enough. If I came home late from school he would drag me by the hair and beat me until he didn't feel like it anymore. If I did anything he didn't like I was in for it and I couldn't do anything about it. The amount of times I've been knocked out or close to dying I have no idea, I lost count. I have no idea what he did with me after I blacked out and I don't think I want to know. I saw my mother once every month, she forgot about me" tears began streaming down my again.

"Clary, I-" I cut him off, I knew what he was going to say and I didn't want to hear it, "Jace I don't want pity, I can't handle it, I can't handle people feeling sorry for what isn't even their fault, they didn't make my father hate me, you didn't make my father hate me." he looked me in the eyes as he spoke, "Clary I don't pity you, I just feel terrible that you had to go through that for so long. No one deserves to go through that! Your father was a cruel man, a coward. I just want you to know that I care, that I never want to see you hurt." He hugs me tightly and strokes my hair, that's all I needed to know he cared. I sat between his legs as he held me, I lifted my head up and before I knew what I was doing I placed my lips to his and I kissed him.

He was shocked at first but he didn't pull back, it wasn't rough or sloppy, it was slow and passionate. I didn't want it to end, this was the moment I've been waiting for a month and 2 weeks,

Yes I had counted.

We both pulled away at the same time searching for air, he put his forehead on mine. I felt his warm breath on my face and my face tingled, I loved the feeling of him being so close.

"You have no idea how long I have been waiting to do that." Jace said as he pushed a strand of hair out of my face, "Oh I think I do," I smiled and kissed him lightly on the lips. He smiled at me as I pulled away and we just sat in each other's arms, with a comfortable silence.

Until Jace spoke, "How did you cope?" I was confused, "What do you mean?" his voice was gentle but curious; "I mean how did you go through with that for 6 years? What made you stay silent for so long?"

I didn't hold back, I wanted him to know everything.

"I couldn't tell my mother or anyone; he threatened to kill her and me." He pulled me into his chest and held me tight, I pulled down my sleeves and showed him my scars, "This is what I used to do when I lost control, I thought of ending my life so many times, but somehow I fought through it, I always regretted doing it after, I know it makes me look ugly, but when I lost control I had no idea what I was doing." Jace pulled my arm towards him gently, he looked at my scars and gently traced them with his fingers, "Clary, you are the strongest girl I know, these scars show how tough you are, there beautiful, you are beautiful." Tears began falling down my face, but they were tears of happiness.

"What's wrong?" he asked as he tightened his hold on me, "Nothing, absolutely nothing." I smiled at him and yawned. Jace stood up and gently lifted me and carried me to my bed; he lay down beside me, wrapped in each other's arms. "I haven't hurt myself since the day I met you." I whispered and remember seeing him smile before darkness clouded my eyes.

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**Did you like it?! Wasn't sure if I went too far with it or not, was the kiss to early? I don't know I'm trying so hard for this to be good and I really just don't know if it is or not! Thanks for reading Kd xxx**

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	7. Chapter 6: It Was One Of Those Days

**Okay please don't kill me for not updating I am sosososososo sorry, I'm not going to bore you with my excuses about being busy and school because I know that you really just want to read, but I'm sorry! Anyways I hope you enjoy this, I didn't really enjoy writing it, I just kind of had writers block I guess, anyways here is chapter 6 :-) **

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**Chapter 6: It Was One Of Those Days**

**Jace**

I had wanted to do that since the day that I met her. To have her lips on mine, it felt right. She was so mysterious, so intriguing. I had no idea why but I just felt like I had to know her. I don't really know how I went so long without knowing her, the thought of losing her now was like the worst most agonising slow and painful death you could think of - yes you could call me cliché - but I seriously don't think I could live without the fiery red-head who just so happens to be wrapped in my arms asleep.

She looks so peaceful, happy.

When she's awake that's a whole different story, she acts so strong but on the inside she is slowly crumbling away. I can't even begin to understand what she went through, yeah I lived in some pretty rough homes and got a few beatings but they were all from strangers, random people I didn't care for.

It wasn't my own father.

How Clary's father could do that to her is beyond me. He went out of his way to make her suffer and he didn't even care. He caused her more pain in one day then anyone should ever have to go through in a whole life time.

Knowing that Clary went through 6 years of torture without telling anyone, I just don't know how she did it. And to think, Clary trusts me enough to let her know that painful part of her life, it makes me feel good.

Not as in good that I think her past is good, hell, that makes me feel sick just thinking about her father, it just feels good to know that someone else cares. That she needs me, someone to just be there for her. That I can be that person for someone makes me feel insanely good.

It was almost 2am and I knew I had to go, if I stayed Clary's mum or even Luke would probably have a heart attack and I don't want to get Clary in trouble. I carefully get out of the bed, not wanting to wake Clary and I slowly make my way towards the door after quickly writing out a message on a free page in her sketchbook knowing she will see it. I quietly walk down the stairs trying to avoid an incredibly awkward moment, but as I pass the kitchen I notice a light and someone's footsteps coming towards me. Before I can hide Luke is looking straight at me with a glass of water in his hand.

"Jace? Seriously, what the hell are you doing!?" his voice came out as a whisper but still I could hear the hardness in his voice, "Uh… um, well, I was uh just was helping Clary through something, um yeah," I could feel the uneasiness in my voice, what I said was kind of the truth really, I wasn't going to hell him that I had kind of made out with the girl he considers his daughter, I'm not that stupid.

After a few minutes he let out a sigh before speaking, "Next time you don't have to sneak around okay, I know you're the one helping her through this, not the therapist, not her mother, not me. She needs you and I'm not going to be the one to ruin her happiness, just don't do anything stupid alright?" his voice was calm but I could feel a bit of the uneasiness I had sounded like before, I'm guessing this was his first father to daughter's boyfriend talks – whoa, did I just say boyfriend? – "I um, yeah okay, sorry for not telling you, it was kind of a last-minute call, um thanks," I really had no idea what to say. "Okay, good we got that sorted, not used to the father type talks okay," he let out a forced laugh before continuing, "Now get out of here before Jocelyn catches you, that could be a different story," His voice was now calm and friendly, I could tell he was a good guy and why Clary appreciated him so much, he was the father she missed out on. I let out a chuckle and spoke, "Thank you, for, um everything…" I was hoping he got the second reference, "No problem Jace, you're a good kid." I gave a small smile as I nodded and walked towards the door. It was good to know that we had an understanding, to know that he and I both cared for Clary and wanted the best for her, that he thought I was good enough for Clary. It made me feel like I was and I hoped to god that I was, that I didn't screw this up.

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**Clary**

I woke up without the warmth I fell asleep with, the loneliness came creeping back. It was 7am and by the looks of the clouds outside my window today was going to be a drag. I got up and found my way to the shower. Once I felt I was awake I got out, dried myself and found my painting clothes. It was one of those days. With a blue oversized sweater and three-quarter length black tights I made my way to the back yard with all my paints, a new canvas and my sketch book and somehow managing to grab a piece of toast on the way out.

I sat on the edge of the balcony looking out at the clear sky, this was one of the good things about living on the outskirts of Manhattan, there were no tall skyscrapers in the way, no apartments, no buildings so close the only view you had been brick and concrete. No we had wide open back yards, beautiful views with lakes and trees, green grass everywhere and instead of foggy air and dirty fumes you could actually see the sky and the air was fresh. I loved it.

Living here instead of that crappy little box I used to call a home was so much better than anything I could imagine. I had no idea how long I went without this place. It felt like luxury.

Using my sketch book first to think of some ideas, I found what should have been a free page but instead I saw a small message right in the middle. I knew exactly who it was from and my heart went a little faster.

_I really didn't want to leave, but, I kind of had this feeling  
that if I stayed and your mum found us things could get awkward,  
thank you for tonight, it meant a lot.  
Xx  
P.s you look cute when you sleep.  
_

I knew I had some goofy grin on my face but I really didn't care, it was the first time that someone actually cared for me in this way, I mean, he was my boyfriend now, right?

Whoa,

I had no idea what this was, I mean I like him I really do and I know that he likes me, doesn't he?

_It meant a lot._

What the hell does that mean?!

Ha, weird. Who would have thought after what I've been through that my biggest problem right now was over a boy and whether he liked me the same way I liked him,

Seriously what is actually happening to me?

The day went slow and I finished painting the view of the overcast sky, it captured the day perfectly. You could say it was luck that as soon as I finished painting rain began to sprinkle from the sky but we all know that I am not lucky and that this was just a mere coincidence. I packed up quickly and carried all my things inside, sitting them on the bench just inside the door before heading to the kitchen to see what's on the menu.

As I walk in I see my mother and Luke sitting down with some kind of chicken and vegetables on their plate, yum. "Hey, is this mine?" I ask as I gesture to the plate on the bench, "Sure is sweetie," Luke said as I sat down beside him, across from my mother. "How was painting today?" my mother asked, "Good actually, it was the perfect day to paint," I smile at them but it quickly fades when my parents glance at each other and I can tell something's up. "What is it?" I ask them, my mother just stares at me, "Well we were both just thinking that maybe we should talk about going back to school," my stomach twisted at the word.

School?!

I can't go back, can I? I guess it might be different and I suppose I never really went plus when I did I tried to stay in the shadows avoiding the popular crowd.

Jace would be in that group wouldn't he? Of course he would, he's gorgeous and he's an athlete. What would everyone say if they saw him with me? Are we even together? Can I handle school? What if everyone finds out? I don't think I can handle any more pain.

Questions and thoughts are all that run through my head. I don't know what to think. I don't know anything!

It's my mother's voice that brings me back to reality, "Honey, it's okay if you're not ready, we don't want to push you into anything you don't feel you can handle, it's okay." Her voice was gentle and caring, "We just thought we should at least talk about it, see what you think or what you want to do, okay?" she must have noticed my uneasiness. "Also your therapist said it might be a good thing, you know to get back into everyday things you know," Luke said, "Yeah um I guess, I don't really have anything else to do, uh I'll think about it?" I didn't really want to think about it, but I thought it might be the best thing to tell them. "Sure honey, whatever you want to do." They both smiled at me and I returned it, "May I be excused?" they both nodded and I took my plate to the sink, heading straight for my room.

I collapsed on my bed with all the same thoughts rushing through my head; I had no idea what to do. I grabbed my phone off of my bedside table and unlocked it, no new messages. Damn. My mind went back to my thoughts and I knew I had to get some fresh air, clear my head.

I headed down the stairs straight towards the door passing Luke on the way, "Just going to get some air, to think about stuff, clear my head," I tried to sound okay but I knew my voice came off a little shaky, "Okay, just be careful." his voice was calm but his eyes told a different story. I could tell he was worried about me and I felt bad for that. I don't want him thinking that I'm going back to the way I was, not talking to anyone, breaking down. I really want him to know that this isn't the same, that I want him in my life, that I need him in my life.

Before I walked away I gave him a small hug, "I'm okay Luke, just my mind tends to over think things," I give him a small smile and he sighs, "I know but I just, just don't shut us out okay, if you won't talk to us, just, talk to him, he's a good kid and I know you need him," I knew he meant Jace but I was a bit taken aback by his comment, "I-I um," he let out a small chuckle, "I caught him sneaking out last night, don't worry I was nice," I smiled still a little confused, "Oh, uh sorry I didn't tell you," "It's fine Clare, he's helping you and that's what I care about." I smile and hug him again, "Thank you," I whisper and walk out the door.

I walk for what feels like hours but it's only been like 15 minutes, I find myself walking the same path to the park, normally my head would be sorting itself out by now, but nothing. I'm still so confused and the thing is I don't even know what I'm confused about. It's like I'm all of a sudden some girly love-sick teenager with no clue about anything. This feeling is just so freaking random.

And then there's going back to school, is it really a good idea? Will it help me? Or will it just make everything harder? Will I still be invisible? Or will rumours start about my past? Bullying? Will Jace be there by my side? Argh so many questions, I just have no idea!

Without even realising I had reached the park, I had walked past the spot where I had met Jace, past the park on the left and was nearly past the soccer fields when I saw a familiar sight of gold. He was running laps of the field, lost in thought.

I found myself sitting down watching him run round and round for what felt like ages when a voice brought me back to reality, "You know watching me run around is kind of creepy," his voice sounded out of breath and his face was red and covered with sweat but still managed to smirk. I give him a small smile, I wasn't really in the mood for banter. When he realised I wasn't going to say something back his face masked with concern, "What's wrong?" his voice a little stern, "Mom and Luke asked me to go back to school," I said with a sigh, "Really? Are you gonna go?" he asked me, I could see the excitement in his eyes but he tried to hold it back knowing I wasn't happy about it. "I don't know, everyone keeps saying how good it will be for me but I don't know if I'm ready to go back, back then with my dad I thought going to school would help me get away but it added to my pain, there was so much stress and I just, I guess I just don't want to go back to the old Clary." I dropped my eyes to the ground as Jace sat down beside me, he pulled me into his embrace and spoke, his warm breath on the back of my neck, "It's your choice Clare but you're gonna have to go back one day, why not do it now? Get it out of the way?" his voice was so gentle, "I guess," I say with another sigh. Jace pulled away from me and looked into my eyes, "And this time you won't have to do it alone, I'll be there." I smile at him and pull him back into a hug. He pulls back after a few seconds and places his lips to mine.

The kiss was sweet and gentle, both of us pulling away at the same time. Confusion hits me again, what is this between us? Are we together? "Jace?" I ask looking up to his eyes, Yeah?" "What um, is this?" my hands gesturing between the two of us, "I mean, I like you so much and I'm kind of new to this and I just want to know if you feel the same," my voice was a bit shaky, it was the first time I've had this conversation. "I just don't want to get hurt." "Clary I have never felt like this for a girl ever, this isn't some silly little fling that I'll get sick of, no. I care so much for you Clary, there's just something about you that makes my heart beat a million times faster every time I'm with you, I would never hurt you Clary, ever. You're so unbelievably different to other girls, I guess what I'm trying to say is, uh, will you be my girlfriend?"

I could feel the fire burn through my cheeks, knowing that this boy felt the same as I did was the best feeling I think I have ever experienced. Grabbing his cheeks I crashed my lips with his, a little rougher this time but still sweet, it was like our lips were made for each other's, wow talk about cheesy Clary. We both pulled back and rested our foreheads on each other, "I guess that was a yes?" he whispered, his warm breath tickled my face. "Well duh," I giggled, he smiled and said, "Well _girlfriend_ would you like me to walk you home, it's getting dark." "If you don't mind _boyfriend" _he chuckled and offered me a hand to help me stand up, I grabbed it and didn't let go the whole walk home.

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**0kay so what did you think? Tell me pleaseee, oh and if anybody wants to give me some ideas for this story that would be great! Thank you! Kd xx**

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